Buddy the Gourd!

Well you've heard the predictions, the cockroaches will outlive us all -- even gourds -- and inherit the earth. But did you know that in the future cockroaches will really like smart phones -- especially Windows phones with the front screen having these colorful squares that you tap on to get to a new screen?

The cockroaches just love them, they dance on the screens, trying to land on certain colors in order, as if they were playing a miniature Dance Dance Revolution game. I'm not kidding. I've visited them and talked with them and this is true. I've seen it!

In the near future there are so many phones and they get tossed around all over. As a result there are plenty of phones for the cockroaches to find and dance on. The only problem is that the batteries soon die. The cockroach elders are glad of this. "This is the only thing that is saving us from becoming completely addled and non-attentive to the important issues at hand," they say. "When the batteries drain, we can get back to business."

Their business? Why plotting the takeover of the world of course. Did you think they manage to survive us all without at least a little planning? They're not magical creatures, just incredibly capable and cunning. Plus they know what they want.

And right now, a lot of the cockroaches want 24/7 access to cell phone screen dancing. I thought it was important to get this report out to the technical folks right away; it's important that we are aware of the cockroaches' scheming. According to my contacts, they are ready to take over the earth at any time. They have some sort of plan. Part of it includes writing nasty comments on blogs, but there's more to it too. They are ready to take over. There's just one thing.

They want to be able to dance on those cell phones forever. And if they inherit the earth as it stands now, they will be without cell phones soon since the batteries will quickly drain. So they're waiting for some young engineer, man or woman, to develop a phone that runs on solar power. Then they will be set!

The phones will never power down, even without human intervention and the cockroach dancing can go on and on. So please, engineers of the present day -- please don't do it! Don't invent a smart phone that runs on solar power! It might sound like a great idea, but it's the only thing that's keeping the cockroaches from taking over the earth.

Not saying I don't like cockroaches, they can be quite companionable and amusing. Really a lot of good qualities, yes, sincerely yes, I believe this. It's just that they want to take over everything and not leave space for the rest of us.

Okay, thanks for listening, I've got to get away from the keyboard now. I'm looking for my next window of opportunity to start a new adventure before my cockroach friends decide they don't want me to leave.

best,
your pal,
Buddy the Gourd

- Posted by Buddy at 2:57 PM